Flip Flops on Ice

Don't get me wrong, I love flip flops.  They are so comfortable, cheap and easy to put on (because honestly, does anyone actually want to bend over and tie shoes??  seriously??).  I get their allure and I have been seduced into buying a pair in almost every color, shape, etc.  It's like my jelly shoe obsession of 1986.  Yes I owned a pair in every color that my local Thrift Drugs stocked.  And now I've moved on to the crocs.  *hangs head in shame*  I am easily persuaded into purchasing plastic and rubber based shoes.  

I think as a reader you now understand that flip flops, and all tangents of thought connected to them, I love.  BUT, there is a time and place for all of the above mentioned shoes.  There really is.  A sports bar on a Friday night in January in York with ice outside and a low of 13 degrees F that night is not the place for your flip flops.  Your crusty, very red feet (probably from the frigid cold) do not make you look like a casual independent thinker.  They make you look like you are very cold and uncomfortable.  The whole POINT of flip flops is comfort and sweetie you did not look comfortable at all.  You didn't even have those nice wider leg jeans that could have maybe given your poor toes some cover.  Nope, you were rockin skinny jeans.  *rolls eyes*  Have fun with toe frostbite.  

On a side note of my flip flop rant.  We had a late night last night at the bar.  Wow, definately haven't done that in a LONG time.  I took my medicine in the morning and supplemented my night with a dose of rolaids before leaving.  Awesome.  I can't even go out and get drunk with my friends without some medical therapy.  I also had a long in depth discussion about my digestive issues with a friend of a friend who is thinking of specializing in digestive disorders once she gets her MD soon.  Saying words like peristalsis, fundoplication, dysphagia, vagotomy, etc are much harder to do after say... 3-4 alcoholic drinks.  I swear I learned a whole other vocabulary just so I can stay as informed as possible when talking to the surgeons.  

Off to clean the house for the Super Bowl party we are hosting tomorrow.  

*hugs and kisses*


My "Extreme Makeover" in Two Weeks

There is something wrong with me.  Well not really just one something, but several somethings.  When doctors say  "I've never seen numbers that high before - and thats not good," "are you SURE you're only in your 20's?," and my favorite "you're too young for all these problems," it makes you realize how messed up you really are.  And this is all just the physical problems I tell them about - we don't even delve into what is bouncing around inside my head.

Back to topic though.  Two weeks from today is my first really life changing medical event. I am having my first real surgery! If you are interested I am having a toupet fundoplacation.  Be warned if you click on that link.  There are pictures.  Some are just drawings, but the bottom of the page has the real deal *gag.*  I am one of those silly people that is not responding to medicine (and a shoutout thanks to the Target pharmacist who so sweetly pointed out that instead of spending all that money on those expensive meds, I should just try Tums!  *wow*  I never thought of that stupid pharmacy guy.  Here I was paying ungodly amounts and destroying my body by taking these crazy pills for 5 years when I just could have picked up some over the counter drugs!  YOU, my friend, should step away from the glue.).  So the next step is to cut me open and fix me up.

Why is this an extreme makeover you might be wondering?  Well part of this procedure involves taking away 20-25% of my stomach.  My wonderful surgeon called it a mini gastric bypass.  He then also explained that I will be on a liquid diet for two weeks post-op.  Ummmm liquid?  Like you have to blend all my food up?  Oh no, not even that good.  Week one will consist of water and juice only.  Week two will be meal replacements only (yes, ensure).  Then I can start reintroducing SOFT foods to my diet in week three.  Josh asked him if I could eat baby food in week three and the doctor was like "yes, just like baby food."  *squeeeee*  I pink puffy heart baby food.  The mashed fruits and desserts totally rock!  So what this all boils down to is some serious weight loss combined with a forever smaller stomach and minus the pills that stopped my body from breaking down food properly.  Sweet!

Over the next two weeks I will start telling stories about my other medically weird tendencies, my day to day life, and some of the testing that got me here to this point.  After that we will start a new chapter entitled BREAST REDUCTION: part two of my non televised extreme makeover.

*hugs and kisses*


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