Everyone needs to know someone like Rachel

So I have a friend named Rachel.  She is one of my favorite people.  We met on a "financial networking group."  No, we've never met in real life, but hopefully that will change soon.  People meet spouses on the internet, so why not meet great friends??

Rachel is a super bright spot in the world.  She is kind and caring.  Lately things have been a little medically rough for her.  Yet, she still finds time to ask me how my life is going, how I'm doing, etc.  She worries about others and is such a genuinely sweet person.  Words don't even come to me on how to describe her true awesomeness, so I'll stop sounding stupid and just say I ADORE this girl.

Anyways, last Thursday she had surgery to remove some sort of (we are hoping benign) mass on her collar bone/neck.  She texted me post surgery to let me know how she was doing.  She also sent two pictures.  One she is smiling just like she usually does - she is one strong girl.  

I let our friends on our group know how she was doing and one of the fabulous ladies (hi "Ali"!!) suggested we take up a collection to send Rachel flowers.  Since the ladies on this site are all over the US and Canada and a few throughout the world, I set up an online contribution place.  In just a few HOURS we had over $1000!!  I ordered flowers to send to Rachel and then we had to decide what else to do.  When I closed this fundraiser today we had $1320 (with a couple other donations coming in later)!!!  Wow.  We let Rachel know what we did and she is going to split the money between two causes important to her.  

I will list which ones she chooses when it happens.  That way anyone can donate later if they choose!!  

A little funny was something else we were thinking of doing with the money.  Rachel has a favorite jewelry website called Dogeared.  I picked out two necklaces I thought she would love and asked the ladies to vote.  Thank goodness I didn't order them because I found out from Rachel on Friday that they had SENT her the EXACT two necklaces for being such a wonderful, inspirational person and promoting their product!!  I must have good taste considering they sent her the same ones (and they have TONS of necklaces too)!!

Here is what she received:

 This is the "Explore" necklace

Also on Friday she received the flowers I sent on behalf of our group.

I stole this picture from Rachel's blog.  The flowers did turn out beautiful, and look at that lovely reusable canister!  Lol.

All of this has restored my faith in humanity.  People ARE willing to help others out.  These ladies have never met this young woman and selflessly sent money for no reason other than to brighten Rachel's day.  There really are good people in the world and lately I am ever so thankful I know so many of them.  *hugs* to all the fabulous people in my life right now.  It really means so much to me!!

*hugs and kisses*


Cranes, Parties, Hot Tubs, Wine and a Near Death Experience

So let's recap starting Friday.  

A friend was getting an old hot tub taken out and then replaced with a brand new one.  He had to work so I offered to go over and take some photos.  I spent the morning talking to the installation guys.  I asked questions, made conversation, etc.  Typical me making friends.  I also played with my friends two kitties.  They are starting to like me.  Lol.  Here are some highlights.

First they had to get apart the old hot tub.  They then hooked it up and craned it out.  But who cares about the old one?  (And if you do click HERE for the WHOLE process).  Here is the BIG crane.

Yes they parked the crane out front and hoisted it OVER the house practically.

The main guy would watch the progress and the make hand signals (shown here) to the crane operator.  It was a neat process to watch!

So here is the new hot tub.  I left before they were finished (my friend got home), but you get the gist.

After the above picture the guys left for lunch.  I cleaned out my friends flower beds, and also a lot of debris, plants, grossness from under and around his deck (yes Barry, you owe me just a little, but it's okay *wink*).  I plan to do some more weeding sometime in the next two weeks.  Hopefully we'll have some nice weather.  I also *may* have sat out on his deck for a little bit sunning myself.  It was GORGEOUS and sunny.  Mmmmm...

After the hot tub delivery, I showered and then I hung out at home until 6ish when I headed out with my friend/neighbor.  We went to a Pampered Chef party for a girl I know.  It was nice, but I was tired from doing the work in the morning.  I was home by 8:45ish and then just vegged.

FYI  - since I didn't update on Friday.
FRIDAY was TWO WEEKS until my next surgery.  I can't wait to get smaller boobs.  SO excited.  I am going to be even HOTTER than I am now.  Lol.  I'll do some posts this week about this surgery instead of just blabbering on about my life.  I promise.

Anyways, getting back to the weekend. 

Saturday morning we had to get up early and head up to Bethel, PA (about an hour and twenty away).  Josh's cousin is getting married in Kentucky on May 2 and we just can't make it to every wedding that day (we have two others).  So we headed up to the couples shower.  It was very nice, but unfortunately we had to leave early.  Why?

Well see Josh's OTHER cousin is getting married May 2 as well (here in PA) and I had already RSVP'd to an event for her upcoming wedding.  Yikes.  So Josh and I left Bethel and headed to Lancaster.  He dropped me off at the event.

Here is my cousin-in-law Ann.  The event was for her and all the female family members were invited (and came).  It was at this cute little tea place called Sugarplums and Tea.  We ended up having high tea  compliments of Aunt Nancy.  It was nice, but a TON of food.  I was so absolutely full by the time we left.

Here is a parting shot of the bride to be and I.  I adore hanging out with her and can NOT wait until her upcoming wedding.  Her and her husband to be are such great people.  Yeah!!

So Aunt Nancy brought me home (and checked out the house - which she liked).  I was so WIPED OUT from the day, but the hot tub that was delivered the day before was calling.  Well actually it's owner called, but I'll just pretend it was the hot tub.  I was also kind of excited since I was given permission to try some drinking.  Hmmm...

Over to friend's house we plan to go.  I tried finding a bathing suit I still owned that fit.  No such luck.  So I just wore a one piece (that covered my belly incisions) and hoped for the best.  Ugh.  The top was WAY too small and the bottom too large.  I can't wait until I am proportionate!!

Here are some photos documenting the night...

The first hot tub photo taken.  I am not in this photo because I was the photographer.  Go figure.

Now here is a nice group shot (that I'm in!!)  Another guy took it.  We thought he might fall in because he kept leaning closer, and closer, lol

And here is the hot tub owner, myself and another friend.  There's my one of many strawberry margaritas.  Mmmmmm....

After the hot tub we still partied for a while.  If you aren't my facebook friend you won't see the rest of the pictures.  If you are my facebook friend they STILL aren't all the pictures.  Some were bad, others much worse, some incriminating, etc.  There is even one of me smooching the host on the cheek.  Haha... I really love that hot tub apparently.  There aren't any photos of the dance party we had though.  Hmmm...


My friend Kandice and I looking good for the camera.

And this is just part of the crowd at one point.  Hmmmm... 

Here is me refusing to drink anymore.  These boys TRY to be persuasive, but I know my limit.  Or something.

These are the cyclists that I hang out with a lot.  Josh is on the far right.  They race, ride and live for road (and a little mountain) biking.  I am a cycling widow.  *sigh*  No biggie though.  :-P

This group directly above (minus Josh who was more than willing to take me home) went out after all this.  I did that LAST weekend and it wasn't all that much fun once we went out so I declined.  A few of them tried to convince me it would be fun anyways.  Ummmm... guys?  I'm wearing ugly sweatpants, an old sweatshirt, my makeup is smeared from the hot tub and my hair is a disaster.  I don't mind hanging out in PRIVATE with you guys looking like that, but not in public.  Sorry.  

We declined (well I declined and Josh was fine with that) and we headed home.  Bed.  Yes!

Sunday I got up and got ready for a little wine tasting event.  My friend from above planned a girl's day out for three wineries in York.

First stop was Naylor Winery. It was cold, yucky, grey, spritzling and gross out when we got there.  That didn't stop us from trying some yummy wine (and buying some too).

Inside looking at all the boxes of wine bottles being readied for shipment.  

The ladies hanging out outside the winery.  There was another group with us (four more girls) but this was our car of girls.  

After these photos and on the way to the next winery the weather started clearing up.  It got sunny and warm, the clouds went away and we had blue skies (YES, the WEATHER details are super IMPORTANT - trust me).

We arrived at Allegro next and sipped some more wine.  This was the fun photo shoot area.

Don't tell me this isn't the cutest picture!  Good idea Kandice!

The ladies.  And yes, the two on the ends are sisters.

There was also this random chair I took a picture of.  It was just kind of out there next to the creek.  Hmmm... weird.

I am sure you've noticed that all the ladies have our jackets off.  We are basking in the warm glow of the sun, slightly intoxicated at the wine and are having a great time.

To finish our day we head to Moon Dancer for some snacks and more tasting.  Now I was here two weeks ago as well, but this time wasn't nearly as busy.  

We shared some wine, ate some food and had a great time.

Look at those beautiful blue skies!  About 15 mins after this picture one of the girls mentioned a severe weather warning 20 mins away.  We looked the OTHER way from this picture and the skies were BLACK.  We quickly packed up and started to head home.  

My friend (and the driver) Kandice got a phone call from her boyfriend saying to stay off the main roads and take a different road.  Apparently west of where we were was getting dime size hail.  

This is what we drove into.  It was terrible.  The hail was hitting us hard, it was raining, there was like zero visibility.  Ugh.  BAD BAD BAD.  We had to pull over a few times due to the bad conditions.  

During all this I call Josh who had texted me a little bit before to see how he's doing (he was going to be out riding).  He is in a car wash bay for shelter listening to tornado/severe weather sirens going off.  Great.  I'm stuck on a road on the OTHER side of town and he's on his bike.  So we call Kandice's boyfriend back (who is one of Josh's cycling/skiing/snowboarding friends/cycling teammates) and he heads down to grab Josh.  This was an ordeal I tell you!!  It was also very scary car or not.

Photo of the hail piling up outside the car when we stopped.

Photo of a tree ripped in half and another one completely uprooted.

That power pole to the left should be IN the ground about 15 feet from where it layed.  All the poles to the right of it (including the one you see) are all broken.  The power lines were laying in the roads and there was one on a car.  The car behind that poor car had a tree on it.

I don't know what this was, but it isn't anymore.  Whatever building/structure this was was completely and utterly demolished.  It was scary.  We were maybe 1/2 mile from this (stopped) when it happened.  The news says there was no tornado touch downs, but this devestation was horrific.

Another large tree that is no more.  Ugh.

I jumped out of the car to get this picture.  That hail isn't dime sized like further west.  Where we were and what hit the car was the size of a golf ball!!

So in conclusion, this weekend was filled with good and bad (again).  Josh is safe, as are other friends who were caught in this weather (we have a lot of friends that are outdoor people and it was BEAUTIFUL earlier).  The weather turned really quick and was really scary.  There wasn't much warning.  I hope this week is much less eventful although I am told that Wednesday wings may involve heading back to the hot tub afterwards... we'll see.  

I will also have to do an extended update tomorrow about this past Friday.  It didn't happen to me, but I caused it so yeah.  Details of that tomorrow...

*hugs and kisses*


Good, Bad then Great

Today started at my final follow up for my fundoplication.  I saw Dr. Prats one last time.  He asked how things were going.  Of course I gushed about how great I'm doing and how thankful I am that he did this.  He told me that I was one of his favorite patients ever and he wished every patient was like me.  Duh.  

Honestly though, he had a medical student with him and he explained to the student how much easier life is when you have a well informed patient.  I went in knowing the details of the surgery, the potential outcomes, the different types of surgery, etc.  He did his job of explaining it all to me, but he said explanations only go so far and he appreciated how prepared I was.  Yes, I am very awesome thank you.

I was also cleared to eat or drink whatever I want.  I've had no dysphagia or problems, so he told me to keep eating small meals and if something doesn't feel right, don't drink/eat it again.  Lol.  Thanks.  I also do not need any more follow ups, but I am welcome to call him anytime to ask questions or even just to chat.  Ha.  He loved me!

Oh, he made a funny then about my next surgery.  We were discussing my top incision (that looks the worst) and how my bra rubs against it keeping it from healing properly.  He told the med student "she's having surgery to correct that."  The med student had a puzzled look on his face and I was like "I'm getting a breast reduction, but only so that Dr. Prat's scars look better."  It was funny.  Well, at least we all laughed.

So after that I headed over to the little pharmacy area in the building.  My plastic surgeon is across the street and he told me to go to this pharmacy to get my gauze pad prescription filled.  These are what I will use after surgery to keep those incisions looking good.  I get up to the counter and drop off the paper.  

Pharmacy tech "ummm... like you can buy these like over the counter."  I explain I know that, but I would like her to fill it because my insurance will cover it that way.  "Ummmm... but then I like have to do paperwork and stuff."  I offered to fill out the paperwork for her.  She handed it over and said "they like only cost $16 so, like you should just be able to afford it."

I was super polite the whole time, but honestly, what was the big deal??  The "paperwork" was my name and address and I had to sign like 3 spots.  That's it.  And yes, that is worth $16 to me.  I clip coupons to save $.50 on soup, so yeah I will fill out paperwork for $16.  *sigh*  I got my gauze pads.  I am happy.

After that I head over to the hospital to get my bloodwork (just a CBC - typical for presurgery) done.  Last time this wasn't bad, BUT, my registration lady was a former patient of my plastic surgeon.  She had also had a breast reduction by him.  She then called three nurses who had also had reductions by him and we had a little pow wow.  They told me how absolutely wonderful he is and how he is meticulous and how perfect their breasts are now.  

I was getting a little worried they would whip them out right there.  Nope, thank goodness, but check in took FOREVER and I saw several people glaring at me.  Oops.  

I then headed back to get my bloodwork done.  They are remodeling the hospital, so it was in a different place than it was just 2 months ago.  So I go in, they call me back, I go into the new row of chairs and the lady that I know gives the new girl to me.

She introduces herself and is super happy.  She then prays to Jesus and sticks the needle in.  She then introduces herself again (I think she was nervous).  I tell her she did a very good job and she proceeds to pray to Jesus again.  Ummmm... yeah.  I don't really care, but she's going to eventually get someone who does.  Let's hope they aren't too mean to her since she really was great at her job.  

After my adventures I headed home to wait for Rachel's update.  When it came in, it was not what I was hoping.  Ugh.  Rachel is one of the sweetest most selfless people I know.  She is such a genuinely great person that all this stupid medical stuff is getting ridiculous.  The doctors do not know what her "special Rachel bumps" are and won't know for almost a week.  Ugh.  They cut into her collar bone and neck to remove these things.  

She sent pictures and she STILL had a smile on her face.  She is such an inspiration to me.  

I let other friends of ours know.  They responded overwhelmingly.  This is what I needed.  To see people reaching out to others with support and good thoughts.  Now to anyone reading this blog, please keep Rachel in your thoughts/prayers/whatever you do.  

So that was my day today.  Tomorrow I am heading to a friend's house in the morning to take pictures of his old hot tub being craned out and his new one being craned in.  This should be interesting.  I'll post some pictures of this.

*hugs and kisses*


First BBQ of 2009

So Josh asked yesterday if we could have some people over for burgers and dogs.  No problem except we didn't have burgers or buns for either.  I made some bacon and ranch pasta salad from Betty Crocker and a chocolate pudding pie (with fresh bananas and whipped cream in a graham cracker crust).  I ran to the store and got some other goodies - including bacon and cheese burgers (apparently they were really good) and some chili cheese burgers (not as good).  Oh, I also grabbed some steamed shrimp.  YUM!!

Three of Josh's friends/teammates came over.  I love random nights of food and friends.  We all had a good time and the food was good too.  After dinner and talking Josh broke out his mini helicopter I got him for Christmas.  That was the BEST money I've ever spent.  He loves this thing (and so do his friends).  Here are some pictures from this adventure.

Barry had first crack at the copter.  He was a fairly good pilot.

I moved to the other end of the kitchen so I wouldn't get hit.  This thing is light weight, but still scares me.  Lol.

Jason got his turn as he was getting antsy not flying it.  It was an enjoyable end to a fun night.

The only bad part of yesterday was my clean up before they came over.  I was moving a box I thought I could push (I didn't want to bend over and pick it up).  I'm not sure what happened, but the box moved weird and I slipped and the next thing you know my toe is connecting with the door.  I may have broken it, but I think it's just stoved.  It's my middle toe (weird how the rest are just fine little piggies).  It's all black and blue and the nail is cracked.  I won't post pictures because I know a lot of people really hate toes and this one is kind of gross.  So for those that hate toes, there is no picture.  

All this random BBQing reminds me of a very special day in college.  It was our first BBQ of the year at our house there and we named in Mikey Day for a good friend of mine.  We grilled (which he loves) and then went to see a movie (that I'd already seen twice, but love anyways) and then went to Dunkin Donuts to get some weird sandwich, and he said his famous F* off line to the guy working who was a real jerk... overall this whole day was things Mikey loves to do and we did a lot of them.  *sigh*  Mikey, I miss you.  You need to visit me, or move closer or something.

So anyways, I'm heading out tonight for wings with the same people from last night plus a few.  Then it's off to the doctor tomorrow morning for another follow up from my surgery.  Also, my friend Rachel is getting her "special Rachel bumps" removed tomorrow.  We don't know what they are, but she's been through enough, so they HAVE to be nothing.  *hugs* Rachel.  I'm thinking about you LOTS.

Anyways, it's a busy week and it's just getting started!!  I'll post when I have time and pictures, because I've noticed my posts without pictures are BORING.

*hugs and kisses*


Detailed recap of beer, bars and bridal showers.

Let's start with my ride home on Friday night.  My parents and brother were coming home on Saturday, but I knew they would all be tired, so I just left Friday night.

Here is the family house as I was leaving down the driveway.

Last time down the driveway for this visit.  Good thing I didn't have to walk back up it!

The sun was just getting ready to set.  This is on the dirt road that connects to the dirt driveway my parents live on.  There is a lot of dirt to get to their house - and when it's wet it's all mud.  Yuck.

The road between my parent's house and York has a LOT of sex shops, private clubs, etc.  This was just ONE of them.  Some time I will do a picture of each one just to prove my point!!

And this was my last Friday night picture.  It's blurry, but the colors are so pretty.  This was crossing the Susquehanna on the bridge in Harrisburg.

Saturday consisted of a lot of relaxation.  Josh stayed home from riding to spend some time with me.  We both needed that a lot.  I needed to destress a bit and Josh DOES enjoy me most of the time.  We also did some shopping for gifts and other things.  We ran into friends at Target and we got a chance to talk about the house they were looking at (The update to this is they put in an offer yesterday and were supposed to hear by tonight.  Last I talked to them, they still hadn't heard anything.  Boo for waiting!!).

Then we were invited to another friends house for a BBQ.  We thought why not and headed over with some beer.  The food was good, the *ahem* entertainment was hysterical, and I was amused.

I was not amused at all times though.  I was egging one of the guys on and a girl that was there asked me "so, you don't have many girlfriends do you?"  Ummm, yes I have girlfriends, but I am selective thank you very much.  Yes I get stupidly offended by this.  I have always had trouble keeping girlfriends and tend to spend more time with guys (currently friend's of Josh's mostly), but it isn't intentional.  I don't get easily offended by guy talk and enjoy the stupid not dramatic humor of guys.  BUT, I also appreciate my girlfriends and I don't think there is anything wrong with that.  Whatever.  

I may have also offended said girl when we went to a bar and she asked what am I.  Well I gave her my standard "my family wasn't prejudiced, we slept with anyone."  She was not amused.  She was like "but don't you know where your family is from?  That's so sad."  I responded yes I knew.  I was born in the US as were my parents, my grandparents and great grandparents.  So I am American.  Other than that my past is a European mutt.  Oops.  This is why I need to be able to drink.  It keeps me LESS obnoxious.  Lol.

The bar we at was owned by another friend and his family.  The friend wasn't there.  I didn't really like the bar.  It was SUPER smokey (and it isn't supposed to be, but whatever) and the crowd was the kind you can only appreciate when you are drunk.  I was stone sober.  Boo.  And yuck.  NOT impressed.

Otherwise I am going to let Saturday stay in the memories of those that were there.  Well most of them don't remember it and there are parts I'd rather forget... but it was FUN as usual.

Sunday morning I was up early.  Did some laundry, wrapped gifts.  Josh made some cookies and I was out of here at noon.  I left here, stopped at a friend's house to drop off clothes for Josh, then hit up a gas station and headed to my cousin-in-law's bridal shower.  This is actual Josh's cousin on his dad's side.  We've been hanging out with her and her soon to be husband since they moved back from CA.  We really have a great time with them and I enjoyed knowing some of her friend's there.  

Here is the bride to be.  She's so beautiful!  Her bridesmaid's (and mom) threw a fabulous shower!!  I can't wait to see everyone again for the wedding.  It is going to be SOOO much fun!!

Here she is opening the gift from me.  It had some registry items, but the thing in her hand is mini bobby pins.  I had done her hair at New Year's with these and she told me she needed to get some.  I knew she hadn't found any, so I added some to her present.  Lol.

After the shower, I headed to JCPenney at the Park City Mall to buy curtains for our bedroom.  I'd done lots of research, knew what I wanted, and knew they carried it so off I went.  A sales clerk asked if I needed help, she helped me find the curtains and I was rung up in less than 5 minutes.  It was great! These are the curtains I grabbed in the coffeebean color.  

Right after I did that, I met up with Josh at another friend's house for another BBQ.  He had gone riding with the guys during the day (which is why I had to drop clothes off).  There were three families there.  Josh and I, the hosts and their two kids and another set of friends and their 2 kids.  I love playing with kids.  They always really like me for some reason.

Actually, during dinner the guy hosting made a comment "well since we are all parents here..."  Ummm...  he then corrected himself "well you guys spend enough time with kids you are like half parents."  (I really shouldn't quote that since I don't remember the words EXACTLY, but it was pretty darn close to that.)  Ugh, it's true.  We have friends and family with kids of ALL ages.  Newborn to 15.  Seriously.  

After that we headed home and relaxed until bed.  Once in bed I started bugging Josh about the alarm.  Why wasn't it set, what was going on, didn't he have work tomorrow?  He told me he took a personal day and I was so wigged out and confused I kind of got mad at him!!  I have some odd moments and this was one.  I didn't understand what was going on, or if he was teasing me or what??  Sorry sweetie, I know I can drive you nuts and this was a great example of one.

So Monday we got up and just enjoyed hanging out.  I had an important job, but it didn't happen until much later.  More on that.

We ended up grabbing some lunch together and buying a curtain rod for our curtains.  After the return home I wanted to lay down (I had a little headache) and Josh wanted to hang the curtains.  The following pictures depict how this went for us.

This is the bedroom window we got the curtains for.

Josh was figuring out how high to mount the curtains.

Here I am.  If you notice that is our bed (yes I know they are snowflake sheets.  The only non-winter flannel sheets were in the wash when we changed sheets.  So snowflakes it was!).  I was laying down taking the pictures from this spot.  With me was my cell phone, camera and laptop.

There he is measuring, marking, etc.

There's the laptop.  Oops.  Sorry sweetie.  I was sort of helping!

See that angle!  You can't get that standing up.  Laying down is the way to go!

There are the curtains!  I love the dark color!

One more from the bed shot.

And there is a picture of our messy room/bed.  Oops.  I'll clean up and take another picture some other time.

So after these thermal, blackout, noise reducing curtains were hung I decided it was definitely nap time.  I curled up in our dark room while Josh went to wash the car and his bike.

During the nap I got the text I was waiting for all day.  A friend of mine had her baby!!  I was so excited for Emily and her new family!!  She texted me and I posted it to a forum we belong to.  I got the details on her beautiful baby boy and then I got the best thing... a picture of the adorable little guy!!  He is so sweet looking, and I absolutely adore him!

Congratulations AGAIN for the millionth time Emily.  I *pph* you lots.  And although she was nervous for this scheduled c-section she was a champ and I've heard from her since that she is super happy and is doing great.  Awwwww....

So that was my weekend/extended weekend.  I had such a great/busy time and I love all my friends and family for their support, their fun, their laughter and their love.  I needed the distractions!!

*hugs and kisses*


Beer, Bars and Bridal Showers

Honestly, I'm always busy (well, we're always busy really).  Surgery was one of the best things for me because I wasn't able to be busy for almost 3 weeks, but then I got right back into the swing of things.

This is going to be a quick update and then tomorrow I'll type it all out.

Friday night I got home around 8.  I missed Josh a lot.  

Saturday morning we slept in.  Then we putzed around the house doing some random cleaning, etc.  Errands were ran to get bridal shower gifts.  Ran into friends at Target.  Got invited to another friend's for a BBQ.  Ended up going to BBQ which turned into craziness and then we ended up at a bar.  I did not like said bar.  Got home late.

Sunday got up, did some laundry, got ready, went to a bridal shower, bought curtains (rods will be gotten tomorrow), went to another friend's house for a BBQ and currently I'm on the couch with Josh.  He's watching some movie.  I'm doing this.

The weekend is done and I need the week just to recover.  

Tomorrow will be a big day so I'll need my rest.  Emily is HAVING A BABY TOMORROW!!  Yeah!!

*hugs and kisses*


Cancer sucks: Part 2

I'll start with yesterday.  I posted yesterday, but not about yesterday.  I wasn't ready to deal with yesterday yet.  I'm still not sure I'm ready to deal with yesterday, but I'm going to try.

I got up early to just relax for a little.  I was supposed to meet Meme and Pap at 12:45 to go with them to Meme's doctor's appointment with the radiologist.  Meme called though and asked me to head to their house because she was unstable and Pap didn't think he could get her down their front porch stairs.

When I get there I call her oncologist to reschedule an appointment from Friday to next week.  She is so worn out that the trip to the hospital twice in a week would be too much.

Now there is a hospital closer, but she has been going to a hospital about 45 mins away for her treatments.  

Yesterday's weather was beautiful, but I ended up in the backseat of Meme and Pap's car that was about 90 million degrees.  Meme is always cold and so it wasn't even like I could get some air.  I took this picture on the way down to the hospital.  It is the Hadany Sculpture that is at the one entrance to the local mall.

It's kind of odd.  I tried to catch it when it looked like a ribbon, but no such luck.  And here I am getting off track.  Back to the topic.

So we finally got the the hospital.  We ended up at Geisinger in Danville, PA which is about 45 ish minutes from Meme and Pap's house.  Now this place is a MADHOUSE where you do drop off.  We had to wait in a line of cars, then there were no wheelchairs.  I finally snagged a wheelchair, got Meme out of the car and then Pap had to go park down this BIG hill and walk back up.  NOT convenient at all.  

We got in and headed down to the radiation area.  Now this was just a check up, not treatment.  Once in with the doctor I had to play my mom (who is awesome and I don't know how she does it and I love her even more after spending a couple days in just a little part of her shoes).  I had to sit through all the questions and answer them.  I had to help Meme undress.  I then had to explain to the doctor that although he is doing a GREAT job, we would like to move her treatments to a closer hospital.  He was totally understanding which I was thankful for.

He then hit me with the bomb.  Now I've known since last Friday when my mom called that they were stopping chemo and only doing radiation as pain management.  That basically she is dying (nothing is helping reduce the cancer) a slow and painful death and they are just trying to help that.  Okay.  I KNOW this.

But the doctor asked Meme while we were there "do you understand this won't cure you?"  She is in denial at times (this one of them) and she said she didn't really understand.  He explained to her again that the lymphoma is all over and chemo isn't helping.  His only job is to help her pain.  He doesn't know how long she has, but the lymphoma will kill her in some way shape or form.

Her PET scans were on the computer screen.  He went through them.  The lymphoma is literally everywhere.  I couldn't believe what I was seeing. 

We worked out all the paper work for her transfer and I held it all together.  We rode home with a lot of silence.  I snapped a picture of the towers that we pass on the way to the hospital.  They are the same towers I passed several times the week after Meme had her first chemo and ended up hospitalized for a week.  The towers themselves aren't a bad thing, I think it's just steam, but it somehow reminds me of bad things to come.

See, they just look like towers.  But not in my head.  

So when we got back to their house, I helped pap get some things together for Meme and sat with her while he ran to the store.  I then helped her get ready for a nap and headed home.  I numbly drove home.  Stopped at McDonald's for some gross comfort fast food (I haven't had fast food in over a month - and I don't know when I will eat it again.  Ugh.  The filet o fish swam in my stomach all night.) and went "home." 

I took the dog for a walk, I kept moving around.  I was okay. 

I walked down this little bit of a hill (aka the driveway).

Then down the big part of the driveway.

This tree looked cool right?

Ugh.  This is a long way back up.  It really is.  It doesn't look steep I guess.  But it is.

See.  I'm smiling.  I'm okay.  I made it down the hill and back up the hill.  I can survive.  I am okay.

 Josh called.  I was not okay.  I bawled my ever loving eyes out.  Why is this happening??  Why is she in so much pain??  WHY does she have to DIE like this??  I've been weepy and crying since.  When I call my mom she cries.  This is not fair.   

Lately I've "met" some new friends that are suffering from a myriad of medical issues.  They are strong and nice girls.  They are supportive and kind.  They have been there for me when I went through a minor surgery.  They have going through life threatening events and yet THEY ask ME how my day is going because I'm having a rough week.  

There are so many amazing people out there suffering and it just isn't fair.  I love my grandmother and I love my grandfather.  I love my mom, my dad, my brother, my family and my friends.  I love my husband.  I am angry and sad with the world right now because things just don't seem fair.  I will get through this because I have the support I need.  I will help others get through their life trials because I will be the support they need. 

Here is a picture of my grandparents.

*hugs and kisses*


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