My "Extreme Makeover" in Two Weeks

There is something wrong with me.  Well not really just one something, but several somethings.  When doctors say  "I've never seen numbers that high before - and thats not good," "are you SURE you're only in your 20's?," and my favorite "you're too young for all these problems," it makes you realize how messed up you really are.  And this is all just the physical problems I tell them about - we don't even delve into what is bouncing around inside my head.

Back to topic though.  Two weeks from today is my first really life changing medical event. I am having my first real surgery! If you are interested I am having a toupet fundoplacation.  Be warned if you click on that link.  There are pictures.  Some are just drawings, but the bottom of the page has the real deal *gag.*  I am one of those silly people that is not responding to medicine (and a shoutout thanks to the Target pharmacist who so sweetly pointed out that instead of spending all that money on those expensive meds, I should just try Tums!  *wow*  I never thought of that stupid pharmacy guy.  Here I was paying ungodly amounts and destroying my body by taking these crazy pills for 5 years when I just could have picked up some over the counter drugs!  YOU, my friend, should step away from the glue.).  So the next step is to cut me open and fix me up.

Why is this an extreme makeover you might be wondering?  Well part of this procedure involves taking away 20-25% of my stomach.  My wonderful surgeon called it a mini gastric bypass.  He then also explained that I will be on a liquid diet for two weeks post-op.  Ummmm liquid?  Like you have to blend all my food up?  Oh no, not even that good.  Week one will consist of water and juice only.  Week two will be meal replacements only (yes, ensure).  Then I can start reintroducing SOFT foods to my diet in week three.  Josh asked him if I could eat baby food in week three and the doctor was like "yes, just like baby food."  *squeeeee*  I pink puffy heart baby food.  The mashed fruits and desserts totally rock!  So what this all boils down to is some serious weight loss combined with a forever smaller stomach and minus the pills that stopped my body from breaking down food properly.  Sweet!

Over the next two weeks I will start telling stories about my other medically weird tendencies, my day to day life, and some of the testing that got me here to this point.  After that we will start a new chapter entitled BREAST REDUCTION: part two of my non televised extreme makeover.

*hugs and kisses*

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