A brief lull in the snow

Brought a lot of relief for me.

This will get wordy so be prepared. Sorry.

The roads started clearing up on Monday, but I was feeling worse. Lack of sleep, still in pain, emotionally drained.

After another freak out Monday afternoon with lots of crying I finally made the phone call. I called SK's office anticipating them not having an appointment until later in the week if at all. I did have an appointment with her next Tuesday, but I really hated to wait.

Miraculously there was an appointment at 8:45 Tuesday morning. It was meant to be!

I made a list of my concerns to discuss with SK on my iPhone. Yes I like to talk about my phone. I love it so.

First and foremost was the crying and depression. Then it was followed by the lack of sleep, the pain in my stomach, my chest, my shoulders. My shortness of breath, my racing heart.

I got up early Tuesday morning, got dressed and got behind the wheel of the car for the first time for almost a month. Josh let me have suby since the roads were still a little messy and suby drives much better.

I hate driving. I hate people that are on the roads. I almost rear ended a stupid older lady who STOPPED at a yield sign that I almost didn't see because of the snow on the curve of the road. Okay, I didn't almost rear end her, but I COULD have. Apparently I'm well known for my road issues. I just hate stupid drivers. *sigh* And what was stressing me out even more was the loads and loads and loads of traffic. I couldn't even get down the hill.

Apparently 83N was closed due to weather and a tractor trailer that tipped over spilling roofing nails, tar and shingles *slaps forehead*. Really?

So what normally takes me 10 mins to get to, took me well over 45 mins. Thankfully I am a freak of nature and had left 45 mins early. I am smart. Or crazy. Whatever. And let me tell you, driving after this surgery is rough. Everything feels tight and it is hard to turn the wheel of the car.

I get there, I sign in, they take me back to a room and THEN. Oh, and then. THEN they tell me SK is running late due to the traffic and I may have to see the other doctor. *gasp* Oh no. No nonononono. I totally panic. Oh gosh I guess my anxiety is worse than I thought. I frantically text my mom and Josh.

Then I get a brilliant idea. I step out of my room and tell the nurse I have to use the bathroom. I proceeded to lock myself in there for 10 minutes to stall. Again with my iPhone. YES I AM CRAZY. I'd rather people think I was destroying a toilet (obviously if you are a regular blog visitor, you'll know I've already done it) than not see SK.

I get back to my room and I hear them say she is almost there. Oh sweet relief.

When she comes in I almost cry when I see her. Ten seconds later when she says "oh honey how are you?" I really do burst into tears. I tell her everything. EVERYTHING that is going on. My list, things going on with my family, my skin issues. The flood gates are open and I'm spilling my guts.

I am talking frantically, my hands are shaking and apparently I turned ghost white (she asked if I was going to pass out) at one point as well. I have never trusted a medical professional as much as her. She always understands me, always listens to me and has never failed me.

After about a 45 minute session we have a plan.

First is to deal with the pain. Second get me some sleep. Third deal with my anxiety. Then we'll talk about maybe doing physical therapy for my shoulders if they are still bothering me.

She wrote me some prescriptions, hugged me, told me to call her today and made an appointment in March for a follow up.

I immediately headed to Target to get everything filled. I also asked them to fill my prenatal vitamins. Yes I take prenatal vitamins. My hair looks FABULOUS!! That's the only reason.

After my 45 minute wait I picked up all my drugs.

So I had my prenatals, but then there was the Tramadol (generic for Ultram), Lorazepam (generic for Ativan) and Lexapro.

And of course I got the one pharm lady that knows me because of our street name. So she probably thinks I'm a pain junky who is trying to get knocked up, and who is depressed and anxious. Whoa.

In reality. The prenatals really are for my hair. When I went off hormonal birth control my body went a little crazy so I needed a little something to get my body back into shape.

Tramadol (generic for Ultram) is a pain medication. It is not a narcotic. It can not be used in conjunction with any SSRI's or the like because of how it works. So I can't take the Lexapro.

Lexapro will be for when I am no longer taking the Tramadol. I've taken it before. It does wonders for my depression and anxiety. I went off it because I was "feeling better." You shouldn't do this. I was fine for 3 years though. Ugh. Depression is complicated. Don't follow my example.

Lorazepam (generic for Ativan) is the final drug I picked up yesterday. It is for an immediate anxiety reduction (Lexapro is long term depression and anxiety reduction). I took Lorazepam when we flew to CO. It makes me super sleepy and calms me down.

When I got home last night I took the Tramadol at 1PM and then again at 7:30PM. It was such a relief. It didn't make me woozy, it didn't take all the pain away, but it took the edge off and made me relaxed for the first time in almost a month. I couldn't believe the difference between this and the Vicodin I was taking before.

At bedtime I took a whole Lorazepam and promptly fell all the way asleep. It was AMAZING. I slept the whole night, I woke up feeling rested. I didn't lay awake for hours with my brain on full throttle.

If I felt good last night I felt GREAT today. Yeah, maybe it was the placebo effect. Maybe it was just having a doctor say to me that I wasn't crazy and we could work through this (no offense to Dr. P or his staff, but they don't KNOW me like SK knows me). Maybe SK really can work magic and knew exactly what I needed to get to a better place. Whatever it was I am so thankful for the sleep, the lack of pain, the lack of crying.

These are all the medications I've picked up at the pharmacy since all this went down (minus another bottle of Vicodin that I've already consumed and threw out).

This is all the medication I've taken BECAUSE of the surgery.

Boy this has been a rough road. I appreciate the support everyone.

Tomorrow is another follow up appointment with Dr. P, my surgeon.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

These are just two of my favorite things...

Materialistically speaking of course because today is not a sappy day.

But seriously, I don't know how I made it through my first two surgeries without these two things. Let me make my introductions. This photo showcases both of my favorite things. TOGETHER!

Oh yes. That is a bright orange fluffy snuggie. Home made by my mom. And what is that I'm holding?? Why it's my iPhone - in it's brandsie new orange case.

I took a second photo without flash to show you... my screen saver on my phone is me wearing my orange snuggie. Lol. I crack myself up.

So why are these my two favorite things? Well the snuggie has kept me warm and comfortable while laying for hours on the couch. Its convenient sleeves allow me to have my hands free while still staying snuggly warm. It's also loose enough to not bother my incision sites and has room for my heating pad for my shoulder. Some people may mock the snuggie, but I am now a true convert.

Secondly is my fabulous phone. It has kept me connected to friends and family through all this. I can read email, check facebook, send messages and play games. It isn't heavy like my laptop, so I can pick it up and move it around with me. AWESOME! And it wasn't so overwhelming in the hospital when I was all loopy.

My mom asked me while she was here what I'd named my phone and I was like "idk." Ok, not really. First I said "my precious" which cracked Josh and I up, but mom hadn't seen LOTR and so she didn't get it really. Now that's all I've been thinking about. I might stick with "my precious" though. Or maybe "mip" for short (melissa's iphone / melissa's iphone precious). Do you see what pain killers do to me? I'm going crazy I think. I mean crazier.

It is day 3 post op and I am still miserable. My body aches, my shoulders hurt, my incisions itch and are painful this time. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to walk, it hurts to sit. I still can't really get myself up from a sitting position. I have been taking the percocets every 4 hours with no real relief, just some of the edge off the pain is diminished.

I am okay, and I know I will get better, but until that happens I keep trying to look at the bright side of things while discussing my misery. I will be an optimist and in a year when I look back on this post I will forget how really bad it was. I reread some of my posts from last year after my first surgery and I was like "really? I don't remember being like that at all!" Ha. See. I'm forgetful which is a good thing.

That's all for today.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

Weird medical news

I should be used to it right? Bleh.

This is the SUPER condensed version.

Last Wed, first appointment at new chiro.

He takes some x-rays, then comes in all concerned about the DETAILS of my fundoplication surgery. I tell him, he shows me my x-rays and there is something... abnormal on them.

I already had an appointment with SK on Monday (today) to discuss my flying anxiety so I decided to wait.

Pick up the x-rays at chiro office and head to SK.

She thinks things don't look right either.

Oh and I am SO thankful for the iphone in light of my 45 minute wait to see SK. That story involves an older patient who was having an allergic reaction, but waited all weekend just to go to the doctor office where she proceeded to go into cardiac arrest. AWESOME.

She sends me for MORE x-rays.

Do those.

Results - large hiatal hernia.

Um? BEFORE surgery I had a VERY SMALL almost non-existent hernia. Now it's the size of my fist when it the VERY SMALL hernia was fixed in Feb.

BUT, the radiologist would like to take a look at the original films that I picked up at the chiro's office early this morning. Chiro is old school films, radiologist is all on the computer.

So now tomorrow I have to get up early AGAIN and meet with the radiologist for him to look at the original films.

I have not gotten to sleep in since... last Monday?? OMG, I HATE mornings and this lack of sleeping in is ruining my LIFE.

Not quite, but almost.

Here is the image in question. It's the big perfectly ROUND thing in the middle of my chest.

My theories were:

1. Alien baby (I started watching V) - if this was the case I would make millions which would be awesome. SK even wants to be in a photo if this turns out to be the case. Lol.

2. Worm colony - there was this House episode where this porn star had worms. I ate a worm when I was little. I figured it just had dormant babies.

3. Third boob - since I had the reduction my breasts were angry and were creating a third interior boob to make up for lost tissue.

It looks like it's none of those, but the final diagnosis isn't confirmed yet!

Oh, and I got some Ativan for my flying anxiety.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

My early Christmas present...

is coming tomorrow. My mom is bringing it down. She is visiting as well.

I love when my mom visits.

It's even better when she brings presents like this.

It's the white 16gb 3gs iphone. Refurbed.

Happy one week until Thanksgiving!!

*hugs and kisses*

mj