2.10.2010

A brief lull in the snow

Brought a lot of relief for me.

This will get wordy so be prepared. Sorry.

The roads started clearing up on Monday, but I was feeling worse. Lack of sleep, still in pain, emotionally drained.

After another freak out Monday afternoon with lots of crying I finally made the phone call. I called SK's office anticipating them not having an appointment until later in the week if at all. I did have an appointment with her next Tuesday, but I really hated to wait.

Miraculously there was an appointment at 8:45 Tuesday morning. It was meant to be!

I made a list of my concerns to discuss with SK on my iPhone. Yes I like to talk about my phone. I love it so.

First and foremost was the crying and depression. Then it was followed by the lack of sleep, the pain in my stomach, my chest, my shoulders. My shortness of breath, my racing heart.

I got up early Tuesday morning, got dressed and got behind the wheel of the car for the first time for almost a month. Josh let me have suby since the roads were still a little messy and suby drives much better.

I hate driving. I hate people that are on the roads. I almost rear ended a stupid older lady who STOPPED at a yield sign that I almost didn't see because of the snow on the curve of the road. Okay, I didn't almost rear end her, but I COULD have. Apparently I'm well known for my road issues. I just hate stupid drivers. *sigh* And what was stressing me out even more was the loads and loads and loads of traffic. I couldn't even get down the hill.

Apparently 83N was closed due to weather and a tractor trailer that tipped over spilling roofing nails, tar and shingles *slaps forehead*. Really?

So what normally takes me 10 mins to get to, took me well over 45 mins. Thankfully I am a freak of nature and had left 45 mins early. I am smart. Or crazy. Whatever. And let me tell you, driving after this surgery is rough. Everything feels tight and it is hard to turn the wheel of the car.

I get there, I sign in, they take me back to a room and THEN. Oh, and then. THEN they tell me SK is running late due to the traffic and I may have to see the other doctor. *gasp* Oh no. No nonononono. I totally panic. Oh gosh I guess my anxiety is worse than I thought. I frantically text my mom and Josh.

Then I get a brilliant idea. I step out of my room and tell the nurse I have to use the bathroom. I proceeded to lock myself in there for 10 minutes to stall. Again with my iPhone. YES I AM CRAZY. I'd rather people think I was destroying a toilet (obviously if you are a regular blog visitor, you'll know I've already done it) than not see SK.

I get back to my room and I hear them say she is almost there. Oh sweet relief.

When she comes in I almost cry when I see her. Ten seconds later when she says "oh honey how are you?" I really do burst into tears. I tell her everything. EVERYTHING that is going on. My list, things going on with my family, my skin issues. The flood gates are open and I'm spilling my guts.

I am talking frantically, my hands are shaking and apparently I turned ghost white (she asked if I was going to pass out) at one point as well. I have never trusted a medical professional as much as her. She always understands me, always listens to me and has never failed me.

After about a 45 minute session we have a plan.

First is to deal with the pain. Second get me some sleep. Third deal with my anxiety. Then we'll talk about maybe doing physical therapy for my shoulders if they are still bothering me.

She wrote me some prescriptions, hugged me, told me to call her today and made an appointment in March for a follow up.

I immediately headed to Target to get everything filled. I also asked them to fill my prenatal vitamins. Yes I take prenatal vitamins. My hair looks FABULOUS!! That's the only reason.

After my 45 minute wait I picked up all my drugs.
So I had my prenatals, but then there was the Tramadol (generic for Ultram), Lorazepam (generic for Ativan) and Lexapro.

And of course I got the one pharm lady that knows me because of our street name. So she probably thinks I'm a pain junky who is trying to get knocked up, and who is depressed and anxious. Whoa.

In reality. The prenatals really are for my hair. When I went off hormonal birth control my body went a little crazy so I needed a little something to get my body back into shape.

Tramadol (generic for Ultram) is a pain medication. It is not a narcotic. It can not be used in conjunction with any SSRI's or the like because of how it works. So I can't take the Lexapro.

Lexapro will be for when I am no longer taking the Tramadol. I've taken it before. It does wonders for my depression and anxiety. I went off it because I was "feeling better." You shouldn't do this. I was fine for 3 years though. Ugh. Depression is complicated. Don't follow my example.

Lorazepam (generic for Ativan) is the final drug I picked up yesterday. It is for an immediate anxiety reduction (Lexapro is long term depression and anxiety reduction). I took Lorazepam when we flew to CO. It makes me super sleepy and calms me down.

When I got home last night I took the Tramadol at 1PM and then again at 7:30PM. It was such a relief. It didn't make me woozy, it didn't take all the pain away, but it took the edge off and made me relaxed for the first time in almost a month. I couldn't believe the difference between this and the Vicodin I was taking before.

At bedtime I took a whole Lorazepam and promptly fell all the way asleep. It was AMAZING. I slept the whole night, I woke up feeling rested. I didn't lay awake for hours with my brain on full throttle.

If I felt good last night I felt GREAT today. Yeah, maybe it was the placebo effect. Maybe it was just having a doctor say to me that I wasn't crazy and we could work through this (no offense to Dr. P or his staff, but they don't KNOW me like SK knows me). Maybe SK really can work magic and knew exactly what I needed to get to a better place. Whatever it was I am so thankful for the sleep, the lack of pain, the lack of crying.

These are all the medications I've picked up at the pharmacy since all this went down (minus another bottle of Vicodin that I've already consumed and threw out).
This is all the medication I've taken BECAUSE of the surgery.

Boy this has been a rough road. I appreciate the support everyone.

Tomorrow is another follow up appointment with Dr. P, my surgeon.

*hugs and kisses*
mj

1 comment:

Jeana said...

(((hugs)))

Thinking of you a lot. :(

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