Christmas is OVER!!

Thank God. Seriously.

Stay tuned for my drained self to get back in action and actually update this thing. Right now I could just PASS OUT.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

WARNING GROSS PICTURES

Okay, so I warned you.

I had my abnormal skin cells (precancerous or something of the likes) removed from my upper right arm today. I'm right handed. Christmas is in one more day. We are hosting two Christmas's here and attending two more. F^$<

Whatever. All my news lately has been sucktastical. Let's just add something else stupid to the mix.

So Josh and I went in to the derm today and she is SO nice. She numbed me up and went to town. I chatted away, but could NOT look at what she was doing. She said she was making a small football shape around the biopsied area and then would stitch it up. Small? Really? Josh said it looked huge and gross. Good thing he has a strong stomach and didn't pass out while looking.

The nurse bandaged me all up and it was... ummm... large. Lol. It stuck up off my arm like 2 inches. Seriously. AND the tape wouldn't stick to my skin.

So I had Josh take pictures of the offending bandage before I ripped it off (supposed to be on for 24 hours).

Do you see how HUGE it is? And while that is what she said, that's NOT what she meant.

Okay and I know my arm looks HUGE and fat. Ignore that.

And I warned you it's gross.

Seriously.

So there it is. Awesome huh? And my arm hurts. It probably doesn't help I came straight home and started making more Christmas cookies. Lol.

So THIS is how I feel about Christmas this year

Thank you Oscar for this sentiment. (And that is my t-shirt. I Love Oscar.)

AND since I'm posting annoying and yuck pictures take a look at my knee. This is a week after I fell skiing. It was black right after.

Ew.

2010 better bring me good things. Like candy. I like candy.

And thank you to all my friends, internet, real life and just my everyday readers. I know I've been a poopyhead lately. It's just a phase. I'll get over it.

Someone asked me if I'd been naughty or nice this year. I thought about. I thought I'd been nice, but the way karma has been dumping on my lately (and not the good stuff) I'm afraid my original assessment is off.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE EVE!!

*hugs and kisses*

mj

News on the east coast

Isn't all that awesome. Second opinion was the same as first (but the doctor was really rude). Debating another opinion. Details another day.

I miss the Rockies. Colorado is beautiful isn't it?

Red Rocks, CO

I'll eventually get this blog updated with more photos and details from our trip.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

My new life goal is

to live in Colorado one day. Our vacation was amazing and I am already plotting a way to get back ASAP.

I skied at Keystone, walked around the villages in Breckenridge, Keystone and Vail, got to see a little of Denver, Boulder and Broomfield, went to Golden and did the Coors brewery tour, went on amazingly scenic drives, had bluebird skies, had complete white outs while driving, saw Loveland Pass, went to Estes Park and the Rocky Mountain National Park, made sushi with friends, met up with Josh's cousin, met up with Josh's cousin's friend who lives in CO and went to my high school (small world?), saw elk, bighorn mountain sheep and mule deer, flew for my first time in a long time and managed not to ground the flight, met up with Josh's OTHER cousin in the airport while both waiting for flights and generally had an all out amazing experience.

I took hundreds of photos and will hopefully have a bit of photo commentary and more explanation of the longest run on sentence above.

Right now I'm EXHAUSTED and getting ready for a doctors appointment.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

Plastic, Pig or Person?

Those are my options to fix me.

So surgeon confirmed it is a paraesophageal hernia. It's not as terrifying as I read on the internets (stupid internets), but it isn't nothing either.

I will be needing surgery to fix this. Within the next 3 months.

I CAN however go skiing, traveling, etc until then. I will REALLY REALLY need this vacation to unwind, destress and not go crazy.

Here is what I was told. The fundoplication surgery did not CAUSE this issue, but it did help facilitate my stomach making the move upwards. When my hiatal hernia was fixed, no one realized how weak my diaphragm was or how strong the positive pressure in my abdomen was in relation to the potential weakness of the negative pressure of my chest cavity.

Therefor, the negative pressure helped pull my stomach up, while the positive pressure helped push it. My diaphragm couldn't handle all of that and allowed my stomach up through.

To fix this they need to insert something to help strengthen my diaphragm. Unfortunately this is not long term. It's all experimental and up in the air. There are newer and better things all the time, and not one of them is the perfect fit.

The plastic mesh is too hard and doesn't give like that area needs. It has also been know to saw into the esophagus. THAT is bad.

The pig parts are... well pig parts. They would have to kill the pig to get the parts. I will consider this if they promise me the bacon. ALL of the bacon. And some pork. Maybe even the ham. I don't eat pig's feet though, so they can keep those.

The people parts. Well they strip all the cells off the tissue leaving the matrices. They then strengthen the matrices. Then my own stem cells will fuse with the strengthened matrices and adhere to and strengthen the diaphragm.

The people parts option looks like what the doctor would like to move forward with. I have until January 5th to look into everything before I meet with Dr. Prats again. We will then discuss the options and make a decision and firm up a surgery date.

I may try to get a second opinion though. I just want to make sure this is the best road for me to take. This issue is long term and chronic. I most likely have several more surgeries in my future and constant monitoring.

Tomorrow I will be myself. I will be okay and bright and happy. Today though I will wallow in self-pity. Why? Because it sucks. I'm tired of the "it could be worse" thinking today. Today, it is my worst and it sucks.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

It's kind of not funny anymore...

So I tried to make light of this whole mysterious "thing" in my chest cavity. I made up interesting theories, joked with friends, nurses, doctors and medical staff, and generally managed to keep my mind off of it.

Up until this afternoon I was fine. Then I kept trying to get a hold of my surgeon. Several phone calls later and - nothing. I was frustrated and angry that I didn't know what was going on. I was highly emotionally agitated.

Sometimes I think I "just know."

At 6PM I got a phone call from Dr. Prats office. It was one of the nursing staff. It isn't any of my funny theories. It isn't the space from my old hiatal hernia. It isn't even a new hiatal hernia.

I have a paraesophageal hernia. It's the serious one.

Here is a quote from WebMD (not that I think this is the expert on these issues, but I am less so, and this pretty much says what the nurse told me over the phone) :

The paraesophageal hernia is less common, but is more cause for concern. The esophagus and stomach stay in their normal locations, but part of the stomach squeezes through the hiatus, landing it next to the esophagus. Although you can have this type of hernia without any symptoms, the danger is that the stomach can become "strangled," or have its blood supply shut off.

I asked some questions of the nurse and made an appointment to see Dr. Prats tomorrow.

I then proceeded to cry. And cry. And cry.

Yes, it could have been cancer. Or a tumor. I could have an inoperable problem. But it is none of those. And I've never really had any of those issues (besides the bit of skin cancer), so I don't know how bad it could be. Right now this is my worst thing though. MY worst thing. So far all my issues have been relatively benign and not scary. I CHOSE to have the fundoplication surgery knowing it COULD down the road cause problems.

This impending surgery is not something I can chose to have or not have. I have to have this fixed. It isn't an option.

Right now I have no idea how soon this will be taken care of and how much of an impact this will have on our upcoming (on THURSDAY) vacation. The nurse seemed to think it is unlikely I will be able to ski. I hope this won't be considered emergency surgery and keep me from going.

Here is a photo of what this looks like.

The problem with this (in my head) has to do with my toupet fundoplication. The whole top part of my stomach is wrapped around and stitched to my esophagus.

I can't keep speculating. I'll find out more tomorrow. I'll update more then. I'm upset right now.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

Scanning the Thorax for Alien Babies

I had my CAT scan this morning. Not sure why CAT needs to be shortened to CT. We are talking one letter and no extra syllables.

Weird.

So the tech/nurse preps me and lets me know that the dye will feel warm, I will get a metallic taste in my mouth and I will feel like I am peeing myself.

Check, check and oh yes, check.

They aren't kidding, you really truly feel like you've just peed your pants. Such an odd sensation!

This is what I hung out in.

Or at least something similar.

They are supposed to get the results to my surgeon by 1PM. Hopefully he calls shortly after that.

Dun dun dun...

*hugs and kisses*

mj

Shrinkage

It's not just for penises that are cold.

Lol.

Last year in December Josh and I went with friends to cut down our own Christmas trees. I had just picked up this super cheap black Land's End puffy vest. I think they were $10.

I kept vacillating between the M and the L. The M was too small, but the L seemed huge, so being typical "I'm not really THAT big" I bought the M.

Here is the photo of our tree hunting expedition. I am wearing said vest with a tank top and thin long sleeve t-shirt under it. The snaps look a little... strained.

This photo was taken last Friday. Same vest, same person, but with a kangaroo pocket hoodie underneath.

THE SNAPS ARE OKAY! They aren't even really straining!!

I would love to be like "well this was all because of my breast reduction that reduced my breast size thus allowing my clothes to fit better." But if you allow your eyes to wander south (not that south pervert) you see my stomach wasn't exactly allowing the snaps any reprieve. It is now baby!!

I've been under a lot of stress lately and this helped boost my spirits slightly.

That and I am losing POUNDS currently. Through my nose. And from coughing stuff up. Love being sick. Really. Not.

*hugs and kisses*

mj

Let me add something to my December 1 post

Monday December 7 at 9:30 I have a CAT scan. Why? Because I saw the surgeon today.

He was perplexed by the... mass. I enlightened him to my theories of aliens, worms and boobs. He then added his own theories.

Most likely it is a hiatal hernia (boo). Very slim chance it is just the space left behind from the fixed hernia. Even slimmer is the alien baby and coming in last and barely on the radar are my worms and third boob.

Although, if it IS alien we are flying to area 51 for fun. His treat! Weee!!

In all seriousness I did ask him what the plan was if it is a hernia. You'll never guess, so I'll just HAVE to tell you. Surgery!

Hm. So much for my potential new year's resolution of no surgeries in the upcoming year.

Oh, and the surgical resident was excited to meet me. Apparently I am something of a celebrity in the small world of local surgical residents. My surgery was interesting enough that it's discussed among them. It felt kind of weird.

Another funny of my visit was my offer to the nurse to see my x-rays. She was all "I don't really know what I'm loo *I pull out the x-ray* oh my god! Even I can see it's wrong." Awesome!!

*hugs and kisses*

mj

I realize it's December and all...

but can I add to my wishlist??

I want THIS.

It is a freaking heaven in brownie form!! And I can make rice crispy treats, and mini cakes, and any other tiny snack I want!

Please Santa, if you are listening... I NEED this. :-)

I found out about this from some internet friends. I participated in a gift exchange and sent my exchangee her gifts on Monday. She got them today!! Her husband had gotten her the magic posted above and had it sent to their house. Silly husband forgot she gets home first. Lol. BUT she's excited none the less.

People also started getting my Christmas/Holiday cards. Yay!!

I'm currently sick (boo) with super sore throat and monster head congestion. Tomorrow I meet with the surgeon about my alien baby.

Only 8 days until CO!

Only 21 days until Mole Removal!

Only 22 days until Operation too busy Christmas Season begins!

And Only 23 days until CHRISTMAS!!

*hugs and kisses*

mj