It's kind of not funny anymore...

So I tried to make light of this whole mysterious "thing" in my chest cavity. I made up interesting theories, joked with friends, nurses, doctors and medical staff, and generally managed to keep my mind off of it.

Up until this afternoon I was fine. Then I kept trying to get a hold of my surgeon. Several phone calls later and - nothing. I was frustrated and angry that I didn't know what was going on. I was highly emotionally agitated.

Sometimes I think I "just know."

At 6PM I got a phone call from Dr. Prats office. It was one of the nursing staff. It isn't any of my funny theories. It isn't the space from my old hiatal hernia. It isn't even a new hiatal hernia.

I have a paraesophageal hernia. It's the serious one.

Here is a quote from WebMD (not that I think this is the expert on these issues, but I am less so, and this pretty much says what the nurse told me over the phone) :

The paraesophageal hernia is less common, but is more cause for concern. The esophagus and stomach stay in their normal locations, but part of the stomach squeezes through the hiatus, landing it next to the esophagus. Although you can have this type of hernia without any symptoms, the danger is that the stomach can become "strangled," or have its blood supply shut off.

I asked some questions of the nurse and made an appointment to see Dr. Prats tomorrow.

I then proceeded to cry. And cry. And cry.

Yes, it could have been cancer. Or a tumor. I could have an inoperable problem. But it is none of those. And I've never really had any of those issues (besides the bit of skin cancer), so I don't know how bad it could be. Right now this is my worst thing though. MY worst thing. So far all my issues have been relatively benign and not scary. I CHOSE to have the fundoplication surgery knowing it COULD down the road cause problems.

This impending surgery is not something I can chose to have or not have. I have to have this fixed. It isn't an option.

Right now I have no idea how soon this will be taken care of and how much of an impact this will have on our upcoming (on THURSDAY) vacation. The nurse seemed to think it is unlikely I will be able to ski. I hope this won't be considered emergency surgery and keep me from going.

Here is a photo of what this looks like.

The problem with this (in my head) has to do with my toupet fundoplication. The whole top part of my stomach is wrapped around and stitched to my esophagus.

I can't keep speculating. I'll find out more tomorrow. I'll update more then. I'm upset right now.

*hugs and kisses*

mj