So... whatever. You get the point. I've got a lot going on in my brain and it's just too congested to get out. Back to topic though.
This post goes along with why I blog in the first place. I used to write in journals a long time ago, and I enjoyed going back and reading what was going on in my life, how I was dealing with these things, what I was thinking while going though them, etc.
Most of the following was written the day it happened. I just cleaned it up a little and expressed some feelings better.
One year ago on February 13, 2009 I went in for my first surgery ever. I was excited and nervous. I was unemployed and looking forward to moving forward with my physical health. I was thankful that all those years I suffered I wasn't actually crazy and there was something wrong, but fixable. In other words, one year ago I was in a totally different mindset - hopeful and positive.
Now though. Oh now. Now, I am 1 month post op of my THIRD surgery. My attitude has changed dramatically. I am not nearly as positive. I think I've expressed what is going on in my head quite well so far. My motivation is kind of nil. I know it sounds pessimistic, but I really do feel like this isn't over. Something still feels... wrong.
Part of this probably has something to do with the fact I didn't realize anything was wrong in the first place. Like how I didn't realize a whole organ was hanging out in the WRONG area of my body. Every doctor, nurse, secretary and technician were amazed that I had NO symptoms and wasn't aware something was amiss. That's frustrating to realize that I really don't know my body as well as I thought.
In conclusion of my post 1 year - things are up in the air. Hopefully I'm not too hypochondrial and can move past this. I am not much of a past dweller and this should get me through these feelings of being downtrodden much faster.
*hugs and kisses*